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Hayley's comment on my semi vent post yesterday really got me thinking...
She wrote:
i feel your pain! peeps always ask us this too...i tell them "the exact same as before...except my name's different, and we owe more taxes"
You see, my name isn't completely different.
Yup, I'm one of those people...well, kind of.
I took Mr Jones' last name...and kept mine.
I have two last names.
I truly never thought I'd have two last names. I grew up dreaming about meeting my Prince Charming, getting married, and becoming Mrs. Somebody. It never crossed my mind to not become Mrs Somebody...until that dream became a reality and it was time to change my name.
That's when I got scared. That's when I realized I had to give up something that was me, something that had helped define me for 29 years. I wasn't ready...and I didn't know if I ever would be.
Mr Jones and I had discussions about me keeping my maiden name in addition to taking his last name. We had discussions about me hyphenating my last name...and how that would affect our future children because I, of course, want to have the same last name as my children.
During one of these discussions, Mr Jones admitted that he was a little hurt I didn't want to change my name completely. He said it felt like I wasn't proud to become his wife. This stopped me in my tracks...I had never thought of it that way.
Keeping my maiden name in no way meant that I wasn't proud to be his wife. That I wasn't beside myself with happiness that I was about to commit myself to my true love, for better and worse, for the rest of my life. Keeping my maiden name was about keeping a little piece of me...a security blanket of sorts. Something that, no matter how hard he tried, he wouldn't be able to fully understand.
So, when the Social Security officer glanced up at me and asked in a bored voice, "Do you want to keep both last names?", I didn't hesitate in responding with "Absolutely."
But...to be fair, I did ask Mr Jones if he was ok with it first. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt my husband, the man I will have by my side forever and always. I mean, I will be spending an awful lot of time with him...so it's probably best that he approves, huh?
Oh, and for the record, I didn't hyphenate. :)
And I kept my middle name.
I went old school and dropped my maiden name. My mom asked if I was at least dropping my middle name and replacing it with my maiden, but I decided not too. Just like you said keeping you maiden name didn't make you any less proud to be Mr. Jones wife....dropping my maiden name didn't make me any less of a David. My family will always be my family regardless of what my name is.
ReplyDeleteI kept my maiden name and dropped my middle name. It's a tradition in my culture to do this and I was afraid of hyphenating 'cause it would have been a pain for our children.
ReplyDeleteHad I married someone with a shorter last name I totally would have done what you did. However, my maiden name is 9 letters and my married last name is 11. Totally not doable.
ReplyDeleteI never thought about the name change thing either until it came time to actually do it. I wanted to keep everything and just add his last name on to the end of it all but they told me I couldn't. So, because I knew if I totally dropped my last name my family would disown me (not really, but ya know) I decided to keep it and drop my middle name. It was kinda sad for me though because I was kinda sorta named after my Dad (my middle name was Danielle & his name is Danny) but it is what it is. Plus I'm a traditionalist, so not taking his last name wasn't even an option for me.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I'm obviously beyond excited to spend the rest of my life with the guy I love, but I'm a little sad to drop my last name. Jason seems to be a little hurt that I'm hesitant to change my name completely. I've been a Brady for 29 years---I can't just give that up :( I'm also sad I'll no longer be Miss Brady to my kiddos---I'll feel like his mother when they call me by his mom's name...
ReplyDeleteI am ditching my last name! I loathe it. It reminds me of a father I never really had and a family that didnt care for me much! I cant wait to change it! If it wasnt so expensive to change without that piece of paper I would have already! I would take my moms maiden name.
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