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Sorry for not posting a lot lately...the last week and a half has been somewhat of a roller coaster. Please forgive my format. It's just the easiest way to write it all out for me.
6/22: Experienced a lot of back cramps and some pink spotting. Decided that I wasn't going to take any chances so Mr Jones and I headed to the ER. After 9 hours (4.5 spent in the waiting room alone!), some blood work, and an ultrasound, I learned...I was pregnant! Wow. It sure took some major doctor skills to figure that one out, huh? Needless to say, we were annoyed. The ultrasound dated me at 5w3d. A bit of an eyebrow raise on my part because, according to calculations, I should have been 6w1d.
6/24: Appointment with my OB. She asked if I had gotten the results of my blood work from the hospital and I told her they didn't run any tests on it that I knew of. She was NOT happy. She ordered more blood work (to check my hCG beta levels) and scheduled a follow up ultrasound for 6/28.
6/25: Heard from OB re: my blood work. Thankfully, the hospital still had my blood sample in the lab so she was able to get results from them as well. Betas on 6/22 were 5249. Betas on 6/24 were 6604. They're going up...thank goodness!
6/28: Ultrasound showed a teensy little baby with a faint heartbeat. Mr Jones was completely enthralled and stared at the monitor. I thought he was going to lean so far forward, he'd fall off his seat! At this point, I was measuring 6w0d (ummm...falling even further behind...a bit worried). Met with my OB and she said it was a positive sign that we were able to see the baby and heartbeat. She noted, however, that my progesterone levels were lower than they should be. They need to be at least 10...I think mine were a little over 5. At this point, I knew something was wrong...and started preparing myself mentally for the worst.
7/2: My fears were proven to be true. I lost my baby. Mr Jones and I made another trip to the ER (a different and BETTER one this time). Blood work and ultrasound confirmed that everything was progressing as necessary.
With that being said, I am at peace with what happened. Please, I don't want to hear "I'm sorry" because I know everyone is sorry and so am I, but it's ok. Honest.
Instead of being sorry, please take the time to send positive energy, to celebrate life with me, to say a prayer that I will some day have my "forever" baby. Because I know I will...it's just a matter of time.
7 years ago
All my love & prayers always, my wonderful daughter. Love, Mom
ReplyDeletePrayers are with you
ReplyDeleteYou are very strong...I can't imagine going through what you are. I'm sure your forever baby will be joining you soon.
ReplyDeleteStay strong knowing that your forever baby will always have a little angel looking out for them!
ReplyDeleteTaryn, I've been there-you know that. I'm here if you just need someone to vent to or whatever---you can email me if need be (besides, I'm around my email allll day long afterall). I know that miscarrying is a sucky feeling. No, one of the worst. I felt gutted, but also at peace at first. Then, within the next few days other feelings of anger, resentment, frustration, questioning, etc started creeping in. If that happens--its normal. Whether a tiny little baby or not, still a life...he/she had a heartbeat. So, it's perfectly acceptable to feel totally sad. I'm excited though to keep following you on your journey to your forever baby, the same way you did for me....
ReplyDeleteit will be so worth it.
sending love!
Awww Taryn I am thinking about you guys! I know you will soon have your forever baby!
ReplyDeleteYou are so positive and so strong! I commend you for that. I wish you all the best and know that everything happens for a reason. You and your husband are very blessed :)
ReplyDeleteYou are in my thoughts and prayers. I know that in God's time your baby will find it's way into your arms.
ReplyDeleteyou know I've been there. if you need to talk, let me know. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteHoney, I won't say I'm sorry. Because I have been right where you are, losing a baby I wanted so badly. I will just say that you are so wonderful and strong. But we will have our babies, and I want you to know I am supporting you and loving you and praying for that forever baby for you, too:)
ReplyDeleteI won't say sorry just know that you and Mr. Jones are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and sending you prayers and hugs! You are strong and will get through this :)
ReplyDeleteTaryn, you are a strong person and you'll get through this even stronger than before. The body is an amazing machine and it has a way of knowing what you can handle, both physically and emotionally. When you are ready, you WILL get your forever baby. You're in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteTaryn - I am here for you if you need me. I appreciate your honesty on the blog, as I feel like you're giving me insight and knowledge that will helpful for me and others as we head down this path. Big hugs to you and Brian!!
ReplyDelete